a walk in the evening rain

(note: i'm going to write this blog entry in my "traditional" no-caps style.. deal with it ;)

with the house boxed up and feeling very transitional, there are just a few days to go until i load everything into the back of a rented truck and drive across the rockies and into vancouver. i decided to go out for a walk in the evening air to get out of this place full of boxes. rain was drizzling, the air was refreshingly cool and i stopped by beano's, my local coffee haunt, to get a tripple espresso to go.

music was playing in the background, as it usually is in beano's. this particular evening it was a rather typical western acoustic folk music and as i stood waiting for my espresso i was taken by a pre-nostalgia: that feeling one gets when they know they are about to leave a place they have memories of.

the fellow in front of me at the counter got his coffee and scooped some of the raw sugar that sits next to the cash register at beano's into his cup while the thirty or so people in the place chatted to each other, creating a very human sound in the place. i smiled to myself and knew that i'd miss this little shop.

and as that missing-it-before-i-have-gone feeling rippled through me, it took me by surprise.

calgary is certainly not the most amazing city to live in and i've never particularly "fit in" overly well here. but i've been here for a decade now and i know its nooks and crannies. i've spent many a day and night around its streets and establishments. i know people who work and live in this area, and many of them know me. in the moment i knew what i needed to do: i had to walk these streets one more time before i left.

coffee in hand steaming upwards as the rain fell downwards, i strolled down 17th avenue. i passed what used to be my favorite late night coffee haunt (now gone, replaced by a tim horton), my favorite vegetarian restaurant, what used to be my favorite blues club (also now gone), the little lingerie shop, watchman's, the ship & anchor pub where i'd enjoyed many an open mic saturday and meals on its deck (including the infamous beggar-and-potato-chips incident), where the bar named sue used to be, the street down which the local karaoke joint is, the annoying yuppy bar that was the backdrop to the incident where the catholic girl kept going on and on about the pope to me until i finally grew completely exasperated, the bar where i saw the only Rage Against the Machine cover band i've ever seen (they were awesome) and many more mediocre to horrid bands play (including the one that was so bad that when the lead singer made some "we're awesome" statement on the mic, i disagreed from the audience, causing him to literally lose it and come charging down at me; thankfully one of the bouncers stepped in.. what a night that was!), the pizza joint where i ended the night spent drinking with the welsh rugby team (another long story) .. and on and on. little restaurants and corner shops and diners and ... and that's just one avenue and four or five years worth of living along it.

i did see the signs of change all around me as well. the new buildings, the new shops, a hooker (never seen that on 17th before!), a public toilet, recycling bins on the street next to the garbage cans .. it's not just additions, it's also so many of my old favorites gone as rents on the avenue skyrocketed.

i certainly wasn't dying, but this most recent period of my life was flashing before my eyes. don't get me wrong: i don't think i'll exactly miss this city, but it is laced with memories and events from my life. i asked myself: how did i manage so long in this place? honestly, i think the traveling over the years helped keep me from going nuts and allowed me to stick it out this long.

but on this cold and rainy evening with the memories and old feelings (most good, some not) coming back as i strolled through her streets, i knew quite certainly that calgary had earned a unique place in my heart. as humans, we build connections with the places we spend time in. the longer we are there, the greater the connection. that is almost an inescapable eventuality (and i can imagine how it was a great survival trait for our ancestors who lived in often abject conditions). and that connection to this place is what is in my mind as i prepare to escape to the west coast and start a new series of memories, a new chapter in my life.

farewell, alberta. i'll miss you, sort of.

I hear a tale
About a heaven in Alberta
Where they've got all hell for a basement - Big Sugar, "All Hell For a Basement"